Above, the system appears peaceful. But who knows what is coming as change happens in every moment?
By carefully observing the system one can begin to predict what might happen next.
My overall goal in coaching individuals is to listen carefully, understanding deeply the challenges individuals face in seeing how they are being influenced by the family and other social systems.
People would like to know how to define a self but are often not sure of what it is they are up against.
The experience of seeing the family system as an emotional unit occurs at a more intellectual level before it can be integrated as part of one's life experience. What I have seen is that people can understand their three-generational family diagram as a system and learn that there is a way to speak to the system, to be more of an authentic self.
As a participant observer in the coaching effort I often tell clients about my effort.
I want to learn as much or more than my clients about how the system works.
I focus on delivering information in a humorous relaxed way, thereby making information useful to people.
If I say some ridiculous or paradoxical things then my clients often come up with amazing strategies to deal with issues.
Often this has led me to call the consulting room a bull pen.
Each person begins to consider how to be a more solid, well defined self and has some idea of the cost and benefit of separating self from the emotional system’s "needs."
This process can be fun even when making a serious effort. The bottom line anyone can become a more disciplined participant-observer in their family.
When anxiety is lower and people are not constantly faced with difficult challenges it is useful to see a coach to gain more objectivity about the overall situation.
If people are being bombarded with challenges they need more opportunity to think carefully. My effort is to think carefully alongside of people.
If you are interested in contacting me the first 30 minutes are free.
If you call I will get back to you fora scheduled time. 203-274-1069 or email me at